How many rejection letters have you collected?

As for me? More than 1,500, but who's counting? (Apparently, I am.)

Rejections can absolutely suck, especially when you work so long on a project and have dreams of publication. 

And they come in all shapes, forms, and sizes.

I’ve gotten the canned, form-letter rejection response, the saturation response, and even no response at all. What’s even worse than that? The “We love this so much, but….” response.

As both an author and a literary agent, I experience rejection first-hand almost every day of my life. Those 1,500 rejections? Those are just in the publishing business alone.

As an author, I have been known to 1) refresh my inbox an obscene amount of times after a project is out on submission, 2) cry when my dream publisher immediately rejects it, and then 3)  feel like a complete and total failure for at least two to ten business days. I also know what it’s like for a project to, well, not go anywhere at all. 

And, as an agent, I also know what it’s like to refresh my inbox way too many times and get upset on behalf of a client’s amazing work. I know what it’s like to have to track down editors for responses, even if it is ultimately a rejection. And, unfortunately, I also know what it’s like for a project to, again, not go anywhere at all.

I would love to think that, after all this time, I am immune to the sting rejection and have all the emotions and feelings around it figured out, but I absolutely do not. 

Over the years, however, I have developed some self-care strategies and techniques (one of which may or may not include yelling profanities into a pillow) to help deal with the frustration, anger, and sadness felt when a project I care deeply about is on submission and ultimately gets the dreaded, “thanks, but no thanks.”. 

I’d love to share those strategies with you today. Ready? Let’s go.

Oh, wait. Did you say no? It’s okay, I hear that a lot. *grin*

Types of Rejections

Before we discuss how to deal with rejection, let’s name the types of rejection you might encounter during the submission process.

Form-Letter Rejection

AH, the form-letter rejection! The standard, tried and true rejection, if you will. A canned response that essentially goes to anyone and everyone an agent or editor is rejecting. Bonus points if they addressed you and/or your book wrong. Classic form-letter rejection.

Personalized Rejection

This is a slightly sweeter and less painful rejection. It shows they put the time and effort into writing something, but, ultimately, it is not for them. So, they are going to step aside and let someone else scoop it up. All the best, though. (Cue: tears.)

“I love this so much…” Rejection

Not sure which rejection hurts more. The one that glows, raves, loves, and absolutely adores you, but your project is just not the right fit for whatever reason? Or literally any other form of rejection? This one always feels really good and stings simultaneously. You are left wondering, “BUT WHYYYY THO?!”

Revise and Resubmit Rejection

“Hey, I love this! Here are all the things I’d love to see improved upon. If you do that, I’d love to see it again…” is the very hopeful response. You immediately get to work, but, ultimately, this leads to a rejection— which feels pretty terrible. You spent time and effort reworking your pitch only to still get a rejection in the end.

Saturation Rejection

“Sorry, but there are too many books about animals* on the market right now. I’ll have to pass.” The worst part of this particular rejection is when you later inevitably see hundreds of books about animals* launch in the years to come.

*or whatever your topic happens to be

The Agent (or Editor) Rejection

You know the one agent or editor? The one whose manuscript wishlist you constantly review, because it is the perfect fit.They literally describe your book to a tee, and you would be ecstatic to work with them. You feel that connection and are so excited to send them your query. So you send it. And then…rejection. But, but, but…my book was exactly as described on YOUR wishlist. Sigh. 

Platform Rejection

“OMG, I love you, your book, and everything about you, but your platform* just isn’t where it needs to be.” Or, “I don’t know who the audience for this project would be.” Ouch. And then you realize that there is no real clear magic platform number anyway. Double ouch.

No Response Rejection

And last, but certainly not least, the most infamous of all rejections: no response. (No explanation needed.)

How to Deal wtih Rejections

Now that you are familiar with the most common types of rejections, let’s talk about how to deal with them.

While there is no pill to swallow to bypass the tough feelings of rejection, there are some things  you can do to alleviate them.

It’s OK to Feel Mad + Sad 

It is absolutely 100% normal to have feelings of anger and sadness around rejections. Allow yourself to experience these emotions and to sit with them for a bit. Remind yourself that these feelings are okay and temporary. Give yourself permission to feel without any judgements. 

Perspective Shift 

Remember: Rejection is a universal experience for writers. Even well-known authors have all faced rejection before achieving success. Here are a notable few:

“Female poets? No, thanks.” -A man rejecting Sylvia Plath’s books

“No market appeal.” -Publishers discussing Little Women by Louisa May Alcott

“This book should be gone with the wind.” -One of 38 publishers that rejected Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell

"It’s impossible to sell animal stories in the USA." -A publisher that rejected Animal Farm by George Orwell 

Take a Break 

When a rejection stings, try taking a short break from your work. Step away, engage in a different activity, and give yourself time to process. 

Maybe take up pickleball, a cooking class, or try mastering the latest TikTok dance. Personally, I love re-watching my favorite movies from childhood and sifting through old American Girl magazines. There is something about the nostalgia that calms me down and soothes my soul just a little.

Write For Fun 

Don’t forget that writing isn’t all about submissions aka subbing and rejections! Set aside time to write purely for the fun of it. Experiment with genres, styles, or topics outside your usual focus. Playful writing can rekindle your love for the craft and can help you remember why you do it in the first place.

Separate the Art from the Artist 

Understand that a rejection is simply a rejection of a particular piece. It is not a rejection of you as a person, your ideas, or your overall writing ability. Separate the art from the artist and the book from the author.

Learn from Rejection 

Treat rejection as a learning experience. Review your query letter, analyze the first 10 pages of your book proposal, and review your genre or audience. Use rejection as an opportunity to grow and refine your approach.

Create Your Own Rejection Stickers 

To turn those "no, thanks" emails into badges of honor and motivation. Find the humor in the rejections because if you aren’t laughing, you might be crying. And it’s almost always better to be laughing.

Get a Buddy

Connect with fellow writers who understand the submission process. Share experiences, exchange advice, and provide encouragement. A supportive community can be invaluable during this time.

Positively Distract the Writer in You with the Reader in You

You know how the saying goes: Writers read…a lot. What books have you been wanting to read? Why do you want to read them?

Celebrate Non-Submission Milestones

Take time to reflect on your writing journey and recognize your achievements, no matter how small they may seem to you. Celebrate the progress you've made as a writer, reinforcing your commitment to the craft. Did you attend a workshop to learn more about character development? Amazing! Did you teach a writing class for high school students? Bravo! Celebrate all the non-submission milestones in your writing career.

Final Thoughts: Remember, It’s Not Personal

As both an agent and an author, I am no stranger to any of these rejections—on both the giving and receiving sides. There is one thing I can say for sure: It’s not personal. So much of this industry is subjective and is based on time, place, interests, likes, industry trends, and a little bit of luck. 

A great example of this is in January 2024. An editor at a Big 5 publishing house posted her manuscript wishlist for the year, which included a very specific and niche book. So specific and niche in fact, that three different people messaged me and said, “Lindsey, did you see this?! This sounds just like you!” 

I read it and immediately felt a spark. I stopped everything I was doing and wrote a 30-page book proposal on the exact topic that day. I sent it to my agent and said, “Let’s get this over to her ASAP!” And we did. I felt SO confident a book deal was coming. 

Three weeks later I got the big news…that they passed. Even though the editor loved it, her team was less thrilled. I was shocked. I thought this was a slam dunk.

I didn’t even think about having to go out wide on submission with this book and I questioned if I even should. Afterall, it was a very niche book and if it couldn’t sell it to the person who wanted it, would anyone else even want it? 

Long story short: My agent and I did end up going out wide on submission and the rejections piled up for almost a year. Until one day, an editor responded and said, “We love this AND we actually think we have something else that might be a great fit for Lindsey, if she is interested.” Not only did they make an offer on my super niche book, but I got an offer on a completely different book that I was equally as excited about writing.

So what have I learned from over 1,500 rejections? Sometimes the worst rejections come with the best outcomes.

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Fuel the Creative Chaos: Everything I share here is totally free. But if you want to fuel the creative chaos, you can always Buy Me a Coffee, purchase one of the many books I wrote, or snag your next read from my bookstore, One Idea Books & Gifts.